nerd alert
Tag Archives: restricting
A greater threat to herself than the cigarette she consumes
Physical reasons to eat more food: My body hurts Fainting is dumb My husband cringes when he touches me (does he?) Headaches Stomach aches Shaky hands Dizziness Weakness Fatigue I should not be able to wear my 10 year old’s … Continue reading
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Tagged anxiety, depression, eating disorder, grief, hungry, restricting, sad
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I was born in a thunderstorm, I grew up overnight
The doctors appointment. The anxiety. I’m sure my heart is going to explode from my chest but I show up on time because I am, despite all odds, a responsible adult. He says he almost didn’t recognize me and asks … Continue reading
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Tagged anxiety, eating disorder, restricting, shame, weight loss
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While redemption seems far away. While I stumble through every day.
Today has been a hard day. I feel like I am barely here, constantly fighting myself. Food has been very minimal, and physically I don’t think I am doing particularly well. It’s difficult to hide weight loss when someone sees … Continue reading
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Tagged anxiety, control issues, eating disorder, marriage, restricting, weight loss
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Hold me like I was forgiven
Literally falling apart at the seams.
You and I both know that the house is haunted. You and I both know that the ghost is me.
I feel so sick tonight. My body physically hates me. 526 calories was what I could muster at the end of the day, and my hands are shaking steadily. I nearly passed out in the parking lot of a random … Continue reading
Old man, look at my life, I’m a lot like you were
They say scars tell a story. Mine are with me for better or worse I suppose. I thought about cropping the photo above the scars, but it felt so inauthentic. Now it’s all I see. I thought about not posting … Continue reading
Who will save your soul, if you won’t save your own
My husband does not see me falling. I told him the other night that I felt like I was having a mental breakdown (mind you, I said it sarcastically as is typical of me), so he told me it’s nothing … Continue reading
You can’t see past my blindness
I will eat more tomorrow has become my new mantra.
You picked a bad time to listen to me
Anxiety has wrapped her arms around me again…she’s always touching, always playing with my hair or brushing her hand against mine…and then sometimes she comes in with a death grip. I am in the death grip. My instinct is to … Continue reading
My head is an animal…
I feel compelled to write. I also loathe writing. It is too daunting a task. There is so much to say, so many thoughts skipping around inside my brain. I feel like I need a system for organization. A filing … Continue reading
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Tagged anorexia, calories, eating disorder, ED, guilt, restricting, weight
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Little Talks 